The Backstory

I'm the oldest of five kids so, yes, I suffer a bit from the "oldest child must take care of everyone" syndrome. When I was thirteen and my youngest sister was only 6, we were taken from our parents and parceled out to relatives, foster homes and group homes. Needless to say, it was hard to maintain the sibling connection but as we've gotten older and theoretically more in charge of our lives, we've tried to strengthen that connection. So while I'm a big sister to many, for purposes of this blog, I'll focus on D., because this is her story.

Growing up D. was always the "cute one" while I was the "smart one." D. got attention from boys, I got attention from teachers.

While I was growing up, I got good grades, went to college on a scholarship, worked on my career, married a great man when I was in my mid-30s and had two kids a couple of years after that.

Like most people I was selfish with my life in my 20s and 30s, trying to find my way and rationalizing that my siblings all had lives of their own.

But D.'s life was very different.

Our mom died when D. was 15. D. was pregnant at the time and went to a home for unwed mothers.

She didn't finish high school (though to her credit, later got her GED), married early and had another baby. The marriage was abusive and she eventually got out. She later had, at least for a while, a seemingly happy second marriage and another baby. But she smoked too much and drank too much, possibly to deal with things in her life she kept only to herself. I do know when I got married in 1990, all my siblings made it to Baltimore for the wedding and she brought vodka and orange juice along for the drive and the glass never left her hand.

So to put it mildly, she's had a lot of crap in her life and just seems to never catch a break.

So this cancer diagnosis?

One more crappy thing she has to bear.

Next post: Kindness all around me