I Hate Roller Coasters

Ask my family. I was a big chicken and didn't ride the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster at Disney when we were there two weeks ago. And lucky for me, Space Mountain was closed for renovations. But apparently I have no say so on whether I want to ride the roller coaster I'm on at the moment.

I told Debbie when we took her to hospice that we might be in for some bumps in the road as they tried to get her medications stabilized. I think I forget to tell myself. The first two days it was as though I had my sister back. She seemed great when I saw her and she got to visit with her grandkids and was excited that she was going to teach a crocheting class at the hospice. She was eating...real food!

But the last three days have been a hell of pain, nausea, and a mental fog that has her talking to herself and twitching. It's breaking my heart because not only is it hard to see, but I know she can't stand being doped up like that.

I got up today at 6:30 am to get ready for my first 5K; this one to raise money for the touchdown club at Harper's new high school. I had my number and chip and was just standing around waiting when the phone rang. It was Ray. Debbie had agreed to let him come visit and he's been checking in with the nurses' station every morning (as have I) to see what kind of night she'd had. And of late, they've all been bad. Apparently, last night she was up out of bed roaming the halls in pain. She fell in the bathroom and now has swelling under her left eye. 

Ray decided she was on a downward spiral toward "the end", but to his credit he quickly packed  his bag and had his dad drive him to Debbie so he could keep an eye on  her "24/7" (his words). The thing about Debbie is she's so freakin' worried about being a burden on someone that she says she doesn't want someone there 24/7. The nurse did tell Ray while Debbie was in this state she would need someone with her or they would have to put some sort of alarm on her to keep track of her.

After the race, I got to Debbie as quickly as I could. Ray was there and DeAnn and her husband Jim followed soon after. We quickly tried to access her condition, asking if she'd eaten, what her lastest vitals were, etc. I was so happy that the nurse watching Debbie actually listened to me. When I had called this morning complaining about this foggy state my sister was in and asked if it was the medications, the nurse on duty replied it was probably because the cancer had spread to her brain. Say what????  I told him that was the first we'd heard of that and that the last scan didn't show that and I'd really like to know if that was the case. I just love Belulah who was there today. It was her first day and she really listened when we told her Debbie was remarkably clear headed on Sunday and Monday and even has moments of extreme clarity before she's given her meds again. They called the doctor (on call) and adjusted her meds several times today not only to try to better relieve her pain but to  increase her lucidity.

About 20 minutes ago DeAnn called me to say after the latest adjustment Debbie just got right out of bed as pretty as you please and headed out to the patio. It was all DeAnn could do to catch up to her. I got to talk to Debbie for a minute...she was hoarse but definitely in the moment instead of the "mumbling to herself" zombie she'd been the last few days. That good news was short lived as she wanted to go back to bed fairly quickly and now seems to be resting comfortably, as least in the short term. She agreed to let Ray spend the night but only on the promise he's leaving in the morning. I'll get up at 6:30 again, get a breakfast biscuit for Ray and head over there. I think God might have been a little busy the last time I asked this so I'm going to try again...."Please let the is be the start of some good days for our sweet girl."

Next post: It's all relative(s)